ANXIOUS parents setting off on holiday left their kids a hilarious note warning: “Try not to outdo each other in who can f*** up the most category”.
The tongue-in-cheek message, attached to a notice board, also urged young Katie Ewart that they did not want another visit from Police Scotland.
And her “half daft” brother, Robbie, was told in neat handwriting to inform his “squad” that their log cabin is not a “drug den or a 24 hour bar”.
Other instructions from the couple, from Chryston, North Lanarkshire, included not spending the money left for them on prostitutes, drugs, cheap booze and pizza.
An affronted Robbie tweeted an image of the instructions to his pals with the caption: “When yer maw and da are going on holiday and have trust issues…”
The tweet has so far racked up well over 6,000 retweets and nearly 12,500 likes.
The note, which covers four sheets of paper, opens: “K + R. I love you both very much but let’s face it, you are a***holes!
“I know you both like to try and outdo each other in the in the ‘who can f*** up the most category, so don’t feel the need to express yourselves when i’m gone. Bad things happen.”
The second A4 sheet is directed towards Katie, warning: “I don’t want another letter from the council re anti-social behaviour or a visit from Police Scotland’s finest.
“Remember – the dog. Yes – dogs need to be fed every day just like you.
“You are the responsible one (hard to believe). Look after Robbie because let’s face it, the boy’s half daft and can barely tie his shoelaces. Life can be difficult for him.”
The next sheet is filled with warnings for Robbie: “Please inform your squad that our log cabin is not a drug den or a 24 hour bar.
“Believe it or not, our neighbours don’t like it when one of your amigos drive up and down the street on their s****y wee dirt bike.
“I have left money for essentials, i.e bread and milk, not drugs, Glen’s [vodka], mad dug [wine], hookers and Dominoes [pizza].”
The final bit of paper has a note directed to both of them: “If you run out of food, phone Granny Mo. She will no doubt bring you a bag of M&S finest cause she thinks yous are sweet and angelic.
“For anything major, phone Granda Sean as Granny Mo will panic.
“So remember, Kerry, Wull and wee Lewy deserve a holiday free from stress and worry. If you do anything to ruin it, you will both face my eternal wrath. Again, love you both.”
Fellow Twitter users were quick to see the funny side of the note.
@kyraxtaylor said: “Oh my god, hahaha that’s ace!”
@GeorgiaaBarberr commented: “This is the best thing I have ever seen.”
@Henners64 replied: “Sums up Scotland really.”
Whilst @dawnmpfindlay said: “Parenting done right.”