AN American tourist has gone viral after writing a brutally honest “report card” on Scotland which states that Edinburgh is “boring”, driving is a “death sport”, and that he only saw two cop cars in 1,100 miles.
Photographer Christian DeBaun from Charlottesville, Virginia, posted his assessment of the nation on Facebook.
Among his 24 key findings are: “There are no bathrooms in Scotland on the roads. I plan to start a page called ‘Peeing By the Roadside’.”
Christian adds: “I saw exactly two police cars in Scotland. One cop parked and texting on his cell phone near a roundabout in Glasgow, the other smoking a cigarette by his car in Glencoe. Nothing like the US.
“Driving in Scotland, especially down the side of Loch Lomond, is a terrifying death sport. Scotland could use some wider roads.”
Turning to the weather, he observes: “It’s ridiculously windy. Everywhere. It’s ridiculously rainy. Everywhere.”
Perhaps more surprising is the observation that: “Trash cans in Scottish hotel rooms are always the size of a coffee can. You can fit one Kleenex and an empty bag of crisps inside – and that’s it. The foot pedal, to open the can, is usually dirty.”
Christian finally settles the age-old east versus west debate. “Saturday night in Glasgow is amazing, vibrant, and a bit crazy. Everyone wants to see Edinburgh, we were a bit bored there, when Glasgow is the place to see.”
But he warns: “If you are new to Glasgow on “Firm” days, stay clear of the pubs until the dust settles. Watch the colors you wear.”
Christian found plenty to like during his trip to Scotland.
“Americans should be friendlier,” he writes. “The Scots have us beat by a mile for openness, love, and general happiness.
“Scotland has the best vistas I’ve ever seen. The Scots invented almost everything that is cool. The grass is really green, and lush.”
Turning to the much criticised diet he observed: “Americans fret about haggis. It’s F****** awesome. Good Cullen skink is almost better than whisky.”
And on the subject of drink he concluded: “I wish America had the “buy the next round of drinks rule”. I did it for some lads about to climb Ben Nevis (Glencoe) the next day for charity, and it was one of the best memories from my trip. We are now friends.”
Christian ended the post by inviting Scots to visit him in Virginia where he would treat them to dinner and a pint.
The list, aptly named “A Yank in Scotland”, has already received over 2,000 likes and hundreds of shares and comments since being posted last night.
Claire Dack said: “This is a brilliant piece that is absolutely spot on. Glad you had a ball and look forward to welcoming you back anytime. P.s peeing by the roadside is a definite go let’s start petitions for more loos.”
Morag Henderson wrote: “Love your observations, they made me chuckle. One of my friends has just headed of to the west coast of America for her first solo holiday.
“She was nervous about going it alone, I said just be yourself, and if in doubt let them know you are from the highlands of Scotland, as everyone loves the Scots.”
And Joe Kirk joked: “You were in Glasgow on old firm and never seen any police? How drunk were you?”