The reviewer, known only as Kat W, claims to be local and warns visitors to carry a panic alarm in the “quite dangerous” city.
Other gems include not stopping under any circumstances if someone shouts “Oi!” and avoiding Saturday afternoons altogether.
The need for Inverness “safety tips” has caused widespread bafflement and irritation, not least because Highlands residents are half as likely to become a victim of crime than people living in Glasgow.
Kat W’s “Safety tips for Inverness” were shared on social media a few days ago and are introduced: “Inverness is a high crime area and is quite dangerous.
“This will never be publicly admitted as it might affect the tourist industry. Here is some advice from a local.”
The numbered list starts: “1) If possible, only travel into town before 12pm Monday – Thursday.
“2) if some random person shouts “Oi!” Or tries to grab your attention in some other way, walk on. Do not stop under any circumstances. Try to find somewhere that’s covered by CCTV street cameras, or go into a shop.”
Point number three advises: “Ask the local police for a panic alarm, they will give you this for free. Carry it in your hand wherever you go.
Points four and five advise the visitor to get personal safety apps for your phone and buy a personal CCTV camera “like the police wear on their uniform”.
Number six advises against using independent taxis from the rank, claiming their drivers may not have undergone police checks.
Point seven warns: “Avoid Saturday afternoons at all costs! You may think you’re safe because there’s lots of people around but most of them are in a world of their own and won’t notice anything that doesn’t directly affect them.”
TripAdvisor user juneandedhall was among those to respond sarcastically: “I survived Inverness for the whole afternoon today, didn’t feel threatened, although some of the busking was a bit dubious.
“Was charged a whole pound for some crap in the poundshop, felt a bit ripped off but only myself to blame, no personal alarm was needed , will probably risk it again!”
User alanwesten said: “What a bizarre and wholly inaccurate post. Very poor effort at trolling.”
RabtheCairnTerrier commented: “Can I just assure anyone thinking of visiting that Inverness is not a high crime area and is the very opposite of dangerous.
Warwickshirelad commented: “Never read so much rubbish in my life and I’m 70.”
Steve Mackintosh commented: “F*** going to WH Smith on a Saturday afternoon.”
Between 2017-18 the Highlands had 335 crimes reported per 10,000 of the population, compared with Glasgow city which had 708.
Kat W has written a total of 17 contributions to the site, many of them scathing.
A fast food establishment in Inverness was blasted in a one star review for having “tasteless dry chicken.” A bar in nearby Aviemore was described as an “awful dog friendly establishment” in another one star assessment.