SCOTS have been left in stitches by a man’s hilarious parody review of a well-known Fife town.
Lewis Walker offered up his honest views of Kirkcaldy during a visit earlier this week, leaving no holds barred on the town’s reputation.
The 28-year-old is from neighbouring Glenrothes but now lives in Dunfermline, and pokes jibes at the town’s attempts to modernise, as well as the culture of the residents.
The video begins with Lewis standing in the town centre, decked head-to-toe in winter gear as on-screen text reads: “A tour of Kirkcaldy, Scotland.”
He opens, joking: “Kirkcaldy. One of the most beautiful towns in Scotland, according to the lovely people of Kirkcaldy.
“Often referred to as the Ibiza of Scotland, with its high number of steroids, tattoo sleeves and girls who use Only F-“
The clip then hilariously cuts to Lewis’ next point: Kitty’s nightclub that he used to frequent – which was demolished earlier this year.
The camera shows an empty plot of land where a nightclub is thought to have burned down years prior as Lewis jokes: “Where the hell is Kitty’s? I left my jacket there in 2014.”
The camera then cuts to Lewis walking as he relays a somewhat inaccurate fact: “Kirkcaldy is 40% fields and 60% spice boy.”
He goes on to joke: “Kirkcaldy is twin towns with the Death Star. An evil place run by the Empire and full of villains… then you’ve got the Death Star.”
He quickly moves on as the clip cuts to show a quiet high street where there appear to be very few passersby and even fewer shops.
He then jokes: “Come down to Kirkcaldy High Street, where you can get a line shaved down your head, put a line on the bookies, line up for society or go to O’Connell’s and have a–“
The camera then cuts to Lewis walking through a wooded park as he says: “Kirkcaldy has museums, art galleries and libraries spread around the town, where you can take out classic novels such as OK Magazine, Nuts, a survival guide to stay in Kirkcaldy and a best kebab menu.”
The camera then cuts to Lewis walking through Beveridge Park as he says: “Beveridge Park is an amazing place with great character – where you can get up to all sorts in the bushes or even go for a skate.”
He then warns: “Just remember to wear protection, and if you’re going for a skate, wear a helmet.”
He winks before moving onto his next point: the town’s apparent lack of modernity.
Lewis can be seen standing in front of a large red heart statue, as he sarcastically explains: “The council were worried that Kirkcaldy was starting to look a bit run down.
“So, they put that there. Looks good, doesn’t it?”
Lewis then imitates a pair of elderly women as he says: “‘Janice, you want to go down to the high Street and that?’
“‘Naw. I don’t like it. It looks run down.’
“‘Are you sure? They’ve put the heart there, though.’
“‘Oh, aye. So they have. Right, I’ll go the now. Get my Bag for Life.'”
The camera then cuts to Lewis standing in front of the Victoria Hospital A&E as he jests about the lengthy waiting times.
Lewis says: “Kirkcaldy has an A&E. So, if you’re severely injured, just go in, tell them what’s up with you and you’ll get seen to eight hours later.”
Lewis took to social media on Wednesday to share the satirical review, writing: “A tour of Kirkcaldy, Scotland”.
The post received over 21,000 likes and more than 430 comments from Scots quick to share their thoughts on the hilarious video.
One person wrote: “I’ve not long stayed in Fife, and I go to the Kirkcaldy leisure centre as a treat, sort of a day out. I think I’ve hit rock-bottom.”
Another said: “[Have you] seen the Westlife tribute act? Westfife.”
A third commented: “Oh that’s a heart? Thought it was a skelpit airse [smacked bum].”
A fourth added: “Lewis, you freak me out. I can’t stop laughing at the truth. You’re needing your own show. Keep enjoying.”
Speaking to Lewis today he said: “Kirkcaldy has so much comedic material such as a high street that is only modern if you have a DeLorean and pubs that are full of guys pushing 40, dressing like 14-year-olds.
“I couldn’t not review the place. I actually enjoy all the towns I review.
“I think us Scottish people hide our true thoughts with humour. I did a review on Glenrothes, where I slated its architecture, town centre etc but it’s my original hometown so I’m entitled to do that.
“Kirkcaldy’s the same, it has its pros and cons. Beveridge Park is actually a really nice park and Seafield Beach is a great walk and contributes well to the coastal path.
“It’s that nice, I actually couldn’t think of a spontaneous joke to put in the video. Mind you, I could probably think of one now that I’ve had time to think but that’s just how my silly brain works.”
