AN American chef called Justin has posted what may turn out to be Scotland’s most honest ever job advert.
The owner of a new American diner in Clarkston, East Renfrewshire, posted on Gumtree that he is looking for a “second in command to bang out a ton of semi-fancy food”.
After putting all his life savings “on the line” his main priority is finding someone who isn’t a “pain in my balls”.
The classified, entitled, ‘Looking for someone fast, progressive, and not a total **** for a new restaurant in Clarkston’, has ditched the tradition language of employment ads.
Instead the boss, who refers to himself only as Justin, chose a more straight forward approach after being bombarded following a previous ad with more than 400 CVs.
He explained: “I have no problem working seven days a week, but on the off-chance I break my foot or get third-degree steam burns on my face I need someone who can work unsupervised.”
However Justin warns: “If your idea of a good sandwich is a tuna mayo like your gran makes then please don’t bother responding.
“Seriously. Last time I was hiring for a place I got over 400 CVs. You know how long it takes to read 400 CVs?
“I need a second in command to bang out a ton of semi-fancy food in a kitchen the size of a closet, and you also have to put up with my wife because I do, and she’s the real boss.”
Instead of promising good pay he admits “the money is sh*t”.
“It’s £7/hour and a cut of the tips,” he explains. “Don’t ask for more because I don’t have it.
“You’ll literally be making more than me because I am essentially working for free until the place is paid off.”
He adds: “I’m dead serious about the money thing.
“Don’t come to an interview and then say it sounds great but you’ve got your kid’s school clothes to buy or whatever. I don’t care. There’s no money.”
However the job does come with some creative advantages.
“I will listen to your ideas and try your weird suggestions,” Justin writes, “but if I don’t love it we’re not doing it and that’s that.”
He continues: “I don’t care if you’re super outgoing or actually mute. I don’t care if you’ve got tattoos. I don’t care if you only work in kitchens to get away from your horrible significant other.
“I don’t care about anything other than that you’re fast enough not to be in the weeds constantly and you want to be part of something genuine and good.”
He continues: “What you cannot do is be a pain in my balls because my life savings is on the line and I have to work with my wife all day so I don’t have time for any primadonna bullsh*t.”
But on the plus side there is a chance of an after work pint for the successful candiate.
The advert states: “If you’re awesome and you have actual cooking skills, you’ll probably be my best friend and you’ll work 55 hours a week and I’ll let you put whatever horrible music you enjoy on the stereo and buy you beer.
“If you think I sound like an obnoxious dickhead, congratulations. You are observant and will go far in life.
“Don’t let it discourage you, though. I’m only a dickhead for the first three years you know me. After that I’m a total sweetheart.”